we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
