ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
