I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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