I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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