I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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