i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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