Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
