The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
