no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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