is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
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2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.