So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!