Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
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Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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