okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
