The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
