His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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