Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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