I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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