you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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