Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
