I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize