remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
