I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
