Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
