3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
