I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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