Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize