it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
