we have pet lesbian snakes
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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