Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
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She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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