why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
