I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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