Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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