Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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