please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the day after is always just damage control
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
