you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
