i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
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listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
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im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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