I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
