when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My dick has a subreddit
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
