it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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