ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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