Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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