Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
