3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
