whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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