I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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