I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
