yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
