come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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