I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They have beer where we have blood.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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