remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
