Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
