im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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