Life is so much better after having sex.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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