as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
did i walk over a car last night?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
