I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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