we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
