Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
