Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
