apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
