im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
