bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
