I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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