that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
