You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
