Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
