Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
