So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
