You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
