If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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