You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
