I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
