It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I will be naked everywhere
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
