areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's blow job season.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
