Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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