the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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