1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
