"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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