eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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