3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
