i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize