Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
