I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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