i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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