Small penises have feelings too.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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